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Forget Romance, Forget All About Love, just plain old getting on down to the sounds of FreeFall. Last years dance saw many Plusser's who were without partner's, enjoying themselves throughout the evening, bopping away to a live band and drinking a few pints with the evening only giving way to 'loves young dreamers' near the end of the night with the 'slow erection section' and at this year's dance the same formula was used and it once again worked. For Halesowen members, Love was definitely 'in the air' as two new members found one another and another of our new members became friendly with the bar staff. The rest of us just looked on with mild amusement and one or two were a little envious.
This dance was my first as an Area Committee member and I did my part by helping out on the door for a short time while the band FreeFall did their first of two performances. To describe FreeFall as Loud, was not the word, yet despite the volume (they were a 'live' band), they were brilliant and I thoroughly enjoyed their musical renditions.
The disco part of the evening was also brilliant, and I for one like Loud DJ's. He maintained an even balance of music and volume throughout the night and played the right number of 'slowees' at the right time during the event. The whole evening, as far as I am concerned, was a success. I only wish I had been able to have the occasional 'bop' to some of the sounds, only I was prevented by my poorly toe.
Well done to Corinna and the rest of the Area Committee, this event was well worth all your efforts. We can not wait for the next Area run dance.
Cheryl - The Editor
Afterwards
Halesowen members were bundled very quickly into three cars to go in search of that all elusive Balti animal. We had pre booked a table at one of Bromsgrove's local Balti haunts which we have visited on a couple of other occasions.
This meal rounded off a brilliant evening, very nicely even though one of our members had one too many of the old amber nectar ale and was unable to face any food.
Many thanks to Sara for booking the restaurant and thanks to the rest of the members who turned out for the dance and thanks also to our prospective new members for trusting in us to take them to a good dance.
Saturday 14th February
It's The Valentines Dance '98 .......Lovies
Staring up at the pink facade of Trotter Hall in Droitwich I hoped for a good Saturday evening. This special night I glance over to see Cupid sharpening his arrows. "Gonna be busy tonight govna"' he says and flies off towards the clouds.
Entering the room Random Sounds caresses my ears with a rich selection of grooves. A Michael Jackson mix towards the end of the Evening went down well. I'm not kidding. The customary Plus 'CD Slip' went almost unnoticed (not!) as hips gyrated hell-for-leather.
*** PHEW...PHEW....CLANG. A plusser sweating buckets. ***
Plenty-a-romancin' in effect. What else do you expect. Cupid may need a machine gun bow at this rate.
Superb sound works of such bands as Oasis, Squeeze and Pearl Jam by FREEFALL highlight the evening.
A good atmosphere made me proud to be a Plusser because we also had some new members with us. What an initiation.
Afterwards we go for a Balti in Bromsgrove (known to the initiated as a 'BB'). I have a Tikka Masala, Cheryl chicken and chips, ice-cream deserts and Cupid finishes off any naans.
Many thanks to MWA Committee for a brilliant evening. The only disappointment to the evening was cheap beer and me avec mon banger.
C'est la vie.
Andy R - Halesowen
HOW MANY, WHO MANY ?
Sara Norcott took up the challenge on Wednesday 4th Feb and provided Halesowen with their activity. Sara's quiz was based on a pyramid format, so each question required a higher number of answers. This quiz went down very well with our members and also with our potential new members who had come back for more, it was good to see them again and this gives the Group some much needed new blood. We had some visitors from Northfield as well and they too enjoyed the evening. In fact they won the quiz which had very close scoring, which showed that the teams were evenly matched.
Many thanks to all who attended and thanks go mainly to Sara for the event. Very well done and much appreciated.
BOOGIE NIGHTS
Yes, Saturday 7th instead of our London Weekend, you could find the group getting on down to the sounds and sights of Boogie Nights at the UCI Cinema, Merryhill. (See Film Review)
Before we went in to see our selected film, we did a quick walk to the Waterfront Pub for a swift pint and then we did an even quicker walk back to see our film. Then the fun began ...
We had many a groan and stifled cry, during this film, with all the mature members of 25 and over, watching and taking in all the scenes with an adult mind and sense of humour, whereas all the under 25's watched the film with complete prudish and immature minds, they obviously had never seen sex before on a big screen (or maybe they are not as innocent as they make out ?). About ten minutes into the film we have a first major sex scene, which prompted two of our female youngsters and one very inexperienced male to start laughing and one even shouted at the top of her voice " Oh my God, I didn't know this was a porno movie". The rest of us immediately started to laugh, as did half of the other cinema goer's.
Before we went and picked the movie, Andy R had told us that the movie was about the 70's porn industry and not 70's disco music as the title implies.
Eventually the movie finished on a very big note, which again had our younger members more or less screaming with what I think was delight or was it amazement !
The whole evening was truly an experience and many thanks to all that turned up. Definitely one for the memory banks.
SCRABBLE TIME WITH BOND!
Our man James (Bruce) hosted this Wednesday night event. Twelve people, split into four teams and pitted their dictionary knowledge against one another.
One team tried to make only rude words but soon gave up on this idea as their letter picking left a lot to be desired, with them getting the 'Z and Q' . Another of the teams was 'hampered' by one of their team members because he insisted on making the words himself but after he left, his team came back from behind to finish in second place, only ten points behind the winners. Overall, the activity was well received by both our new members and current members.
Thanks to James (Bruce) for the activity and thanks to all that joined in.
BONEHILL TO DERBY NIGHT
Mark was unable to put on his activity for the Group on the 18th, so Cheryl came to the rescue with her rapidly put together version of Battleships, Battle Squares. 'Oh No' were the comments from some of the unlucky members who were landed with this activity, but after several explanations of both the rules and the aim of the game, we finally got down to the nitty gritty part of the event.
Basically, like Battleships, you had to locate and destroy the shapes made up from squares linked together, instead of actual ships.
This activity aimed to help develop team working skills and to sort out the tacticians within the group. Although I say this myself, this activity actually worked very well, with almost everyone paying close attention to all the grid references that were called out and also to my miss or hit replies.
The winning team did most of their plotting by simply using the pen as a marker and closing their eyes to pick a location. Well done to Hannah, Sara and Jo.
Their nearest rivals consisted of Nigel, Ian and Justin who obviously are unable to work closely as a team. The constant arguments as to what the next co-ordinate should be, was very amusing and the other teams took great delight in counting down from ten, thus adding more pressure on them. Well done for coming second, despite all the loud discussions.
CRAZY GOLF AND DAY OUT
This unfortunately was cancelled due to lack of interest and many of the Group's members were ill so instead those of us not affected by the dreaded 'lurgy' decided to meet up anyway and go for a pub crawl round the Solihull area.
The few Halesowen members that were well enough to crawl decided not to go around Solihull but opted for Bromsgrove instead. We began with a pint in the Harvester Pub which is now called the Forester Arms or something like that anyway and then travelled further into the dark depths of Bromsgrove and found some vacant seats in the Weatherspoons pub on Bromsgrove High Street called the Golden Cross (again I think that was what it was called).
Due to the cheap beer and the variety of beers, everyone elected to stay at this pub, so the Group only crawled to two pubs (three if you count the Stag back at Halesowen) but besides this, everyone enjoyed themselves.
Our three new members had also come along for more Plus punishment, no sorry enjoyment, and we managed to find out what their sexual position preferences were plus one or two other facts about them. They in turn found out more about Hannah's sexual exploits, so if this didn't put then off then I think nothing will. (Only joking Hannah).
And then guess what ?
Yes, you guessed it, we went on our usual Balti Hunt and finally feasted at an old favourite Balti House right at the end of Bromsgrove High Street.
Good night and farewell was bade to all present as we all went home to hibernate for the rest of the winter or at least until the effects of the beer and Balti had worn off.
Thanks to Hannah, Kristy, Nigel, Paul, Andy R and James(Bruce) for managing to avoid the 'lurgy' and supporting this activity.
PROGRAMME PLANNING
Oh No, not again?
Sunday 22nd found the Halesowen Committee locked in lengthy discussions and deliberations over the Group's next programme.
Chairman Justin opened his home up to Hannah, James(Bruce) and myself and after four hours we finally settled what weekend events were to go on our next programme, which left the Wednesday's to be filled by the Group members.
Thanks to Justin for his cups of tea and also the Feast ice cream was very much appreciated. And what of our Warwick Castle visit ? Well this time the weather was against us and the members did not really want to get wet or be frozen for the day, especially as most were still recovering from their recent illnesses.
GROUP VISIT TO COVENTRY
Wednesday 25th Halesowen had planned to visit Coventry Eighteen Plus at their new venue. Arrangements were made and the day and the time finally arrived.
But where were our members ? Only two members turned up plus one of the new members. After waiting an extra half hour, we elected to travel to Lichfield Eighteen Plus instead, as they were nearer and easier to find.
Upon our arrival, we were greeted with the usual surprised to see you 'Hello, what are you doing here?' Lichfield made us feel very welcome and although that night's activity was a social evening, we had a wonderful night.
Many thanks to all at Lichfield for your hospitality and thanks also to Hannah, James(Bruce) and Kristy for accompanying me on this visit.
NATIONAL BADMINTON 28th FEBRUARY
Unfortunately, Halesowen have no Badminton playing members, so we could not generate interest in this National Event. Instead our members all met up at the Stag at 8pm for a drink, with the intention of deciding what we would all like to do next.
Night Clubbing, Night Drinking and Eating Kristy, one of our new members, had some free tickets for one of Dudley's night spots. So the Group agreed to go along and see if there was any action worthy of a Plusser. The club did not open until 10pm so we found the nearest Weatherspoons Moon pub and drank the odd drink and some of us sampled their culinary delights. (Steak and onions on a hot baguette won). Then it was off to the Fusion (formerly Goldsmith's) Night Club. Most clubs only allow couples to enter together or they let all the girls in but not a gang of lads, but this one had all the girls line up on side and all the lads line up on the other side of the entrance, then they would let in about ten girls and two lads.
Once inside you had to queue for the cloakroom, as no one is allowed to wear jackets or coats inside the venue. I, myself, did not have a coat or jacket and I was able to enter straight into the club, but I ended up having to wait a good twenty minutes for everyone else to get in. While waiting I went and got my drink and passed my free drink voucher over to some lads, that made it through the doors with me, which they thanked me for but upon tasting the free drink, they were not amused and promptly turned their bottles upside-down and allowed their drinks to cascade across the bar top, much to the barman's amusement.
I retrieved my drink and went to wait with the others who were just coming into sight of the cloakroom, within the main reception area, when a large over-sized jumped-up penguin-suited prat, forcibly grabbed my arm, causing me to spill most of my drink, and opened his big gob to say that I could not go outside with my drink, I replied I am not going outside, I'm only going there, and I pointed at Hannah and Kristy who were now only a couple of feet away, but he would not have any of it. Hannah and Kristy by now were booking in their coats and standing right next to me. But as is typical with these egotistical idiots, his short attention span was grabbed by two girls trying to get in with they jackets still upon their persons.
Finally the lads managed to join us and once we all had drinks we set off in search of the dance floor within the depths of Fusion's two tiered building.
Dance floor spotted everyone except myself and James(Bruce) got on down to the sounds of the in-house DJ, who was undecided as to what to play, but eventually they all had to give up as the floor filled up too quickly and it was becoming almost impossible to move, plus the DJ continually added smoke.
We all moved back upstairs and found another but smaller dance floor to bop around on, but the time came when I found it hard to breathe with all the smoke, Andy R said he was on an early and poor old James (Bruce) looked like he was about to faint.
So we decided to call it a night and leave that god forsaken place to Kristy and Nigel who were content to stay there. Once outside, which took nearly twenty more minutes, the rest of us felt much better and so decided to grab a bite to eat. We returned to the Rose of Kashmir, also in Dudley and while inside, the weather changed from freezing cold to a snow storm. Hannah was constantly looking out the window at the snow, obviously wanting to get out and back home. Once James finished his meal, (he is always the last) we quickly settled the bill and all departed for our homes.
This was about 2am but by the time I had dropped James(Bruce) and Paul off it was going on 3am. Now I live at Claverley and usually when it snows I get snowed in but as I drove for home, the snow had stopped and by the time I had got home, you would not have believed that it had snowed at all, as there was no snow about, except what was still on my car, from when I was parked in Dudley.
I finally made it into my bed about 3.30am, knowing all too well that at 9am my brother and nephew would be arriving and no doubt I would be woken up by my nephew entering my room and asking at the top of his voice if he could watch one of my Star Wars videos (he is only 3). With that thought in mind, I promptly fell asleep and at exactly 9.07am by my clock, my nephew came and woke me up. Apart from that the whole evening was enjoyable and everyone had a good time.
Thanks to all that experienced the 'Fusion' and thanks to Kristy for the free tickets. Thanks also to my nephew for my wake up call.
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Boogie Nights
70's Disco music with a story line similar to Saturday Night Fever was suggested by the films title and if you go to see this movie with that view, then you are in for a big surprise, in fact, a thirteen inch surprise.
Set around the 70's porn industry, this movie plots the rise and fall, in's and out's of a super stud called 'Dirk Diggler'. And what a 'Diggler' he has got.
If you like to see 'sex' in a movie, then this is the film to see because after the first ten/fifteen minutes into the film, 'sex scenes' happen with surprising regularity and there are some very funny moments in the porn stars lives. Most enjoyable to watch, be you a perv or not.
Sorry Girls, but the thirteen incher appears at the end of the film only.
Rating: **** One of those 'must be seen movies'. Girls do not wait for the video, see it now.
Guest Review of Boogie Nights :-
A Film With Balls and Pathos
A discotheque in America in 1977. The camera flows slowly among several flared characters and high 'n' wide hair cut. A girl on roller-skates says she is desperate to pee.
Yes, this is the UCI Merryhill and we sit back; expecting to watch Burt Reynolds in white suit and medallion. This is no dance culture movie, though.
The subject soon moves to porn. From now on, we see a no holds barred examination of Flesh Industry in the late Seventies and early Eighties. Burt Reynolds is a man of vision, in pursuit of aesthetic perfection in his chosen medium. Desperately trying to make film in a world obsesses with video. He meets a stud and soon they are raking in the money after the youngster gives himself the name Dirk Diggler.
The brilliance of the film is not only the documentary style, but its character development. Initially the film has an air of humour and these elements soon turn into the tragic.
Drugs and social isolation are repercussions of the on-the-edge art (art?).
This tragi-comedy has an element of Tarantino. Bothered People, Brain Splatter and Ball Breaking.
The unexpected, but expected, climax to the film raised a titter through the UCI. Fantastic Fleshy Phallus or Floppy Foam 'Fect. You Guess.
Coming from someone who has never liked a Mr Reynolds film I was pleasantly surprised. Good Luck at the OSCARS guys.
* Trampled pop-corn on my soul *
Andy R - Halesowen
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2. Did you hear about the man who fell into a bowl of museli ?
A. Apparently he was pulled down by a strong current.
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of perocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in 1 hour ! The guy nearly exploded !" Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.
"Oh my God !" said the first doctor, "I just realised I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr Smith's boil !".
Thor, God of Thunder.
Thor, the God of Thunder, chose a human body as his form for the night and he decided to see how humans function, as it had been 1000 years since his last excursion into humanity.
He slips into a singles club and finds what he considers to be the most beautiful wench he had seen in a millennium. A perfect 9.9!! due to her lisp.
Thor and this girl hit it off immediately (due to testosterone) and not too long afterwards, they find themselves in a motel. Well, they go at it all night, time after time, until both collapse from exhaustion.
The morning comes, and the God of Thunder decides he really wants to impress her. He calls the thunder, it roars across the sky. He speaks; "Babe, I'm Thor".
She replies: "Your Thor ! I'm tho Thor I can hardly Pith !!"
Two Cannibals.
Two cannibals, a father and his son, go off to get something to eat for their family. They walk deep into the jungle and wait by a path. Before long this little old man comes along and so the boy says, "Dad, there's one." "No" says his father. "There's not enough meat on that one to feed our dog. We'll wait a bit longer." A little while later this really fat woman comes along the path and so the son says, "What about that one, Dad ? She must be big enough. " "No" says the father, "We'd die of heart attacks from all the fat on that one. We'll wait a bit longer."
After some more time passes an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman walks along the path and the boy says, "There's nothing wrong with that one, Dad. Let's eat her." "No" says his father, "We won't eat her either." "Why not?" asks his son. "Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
The Old Lady.
An old lady walks into a carpet shop to purchase some carpet. As the salesman approaches her, she bends down to look at a roll on the bottom of the stack. Then, as she pulls out the roll, she accidentally drops a loud fart, just as the salesman reaches her side. "Oh please forgive me, I'm so embarrassed."
The salesman says " Don't be embarrassed, when I tell you the price, you'll shit yourself."
An Aussie in Wales.
This Australian guy goes travelling through Cardiff and decides to take a walk through the park. On doing this, he notices a local sitting on a park bench, taking a sheep from behind. Perplexed, the Aussie asks "Hey mate, do you shear her ?"
To which the reprobate replies "No way Boyo, get yer own !"
Warning ! Warning ! Warning !
The next Silly Story is extremely Sick
and could cause severe vomiting.
Consider yourself WARNED.
The Leper.
This guy goes to a baseball game and sits in the bleachers. Pretty soon, another guy comes over and says "Do you mind if I sit here ?" The first guy says "No, sit down."
"Thanks a lot," says the second guy, "cause I'm a leper and a lot of people have a strong aversion to us lepers."
"No problem."
A couple of innings go by and the leper looks over at the guy who had just eaten a hot dog, to find he has become violently ill, heaving his guts all over the place. "I knew I'd make you sick," says the leper, "I'm gonna leave." "No, its not you," says the guy, "just sit down."
The leper sits back down. A couple more innings pass and the leper looks over to see the guy still heaving his guts. "I know I'm making you sick," says the leper, "I'm gonna leave." "No, its not you, just sit back down." the guy says.
The leper sits back down. Ninth inning comes and by this time the guy has dry heaves. The leper stands up, looks at the guy and says "Look, I know I've been making you sick, tell you what I'm going to do, I'm gonna bow my head and walk out of here so you can enjoy the last remaining minutes of this game."
"No, no, its not you. Sit Down." the guy says. So the leper sits back down.
Finally, the leper says "Look, if its not me, I gotta know what's been making you sick ?"
"Its the guy behind you" says the other guy, "He keeps dipping his nachos in your back."
All Jokes and Silly Stories are courtesy of Anon.
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I've worn it out through over use, was told to wear a brace.
It made me feel like Dr Hook and at Christmas looked out of place.
They threatened they would strap me up or stick some needles in.
Instead I kept my brace on, took my pills and just stayed in.
After weeks of resting it I started physio.
Initial treatment made it worse - it was a bitter blow!
But then she chose to organise, the ions in my wrist.
The first time that she tried it ,I went out feeling pissed.
The pain has almost disappeared, the splint is nearly gone.
So now I'm free to drive my car and get my housework done.
But please be gentle when we meet, I'm not quite at my best.
After 3 months off sitting on my arse, I think I need a rest!
Sara Norcott - Halesowen
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Hannah has been a member of Eighteen Plus for two years, during that time she has been a member of Bromsgrove and then Halesowen, as well as being a development committee officer for Worcester. She is currently Halesowen's Activity Co-Ordinator and the Mid West Area's Administrator.
Hannah is 21 years old, soon to be 22 and lives at home with her parents in Marlbrook, which over looks the M42. She works as an office temp at various places in and around the Bromsgrove area.
When not working, Hannah enjoys listening to music and collecting cuddly teddy bears or any type of cuddly (men included). She likes to watch, when not out visiting other groups, The Bill, Frasier and Friends whilst eating her favourite food, chicken tikka.
Hannah's Top Five Plus Events :-
1. WASH & TAG Holidays
2. Dancing
3. Chasing Men
4. Drinking
5. All Plus Events that involve all of the above
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Back for this issue, after taking a month off.
Since the November/December issue, no one has taken up the challenge of Why Star Wars is better than Star Trek, so for this month's article, I have some mickey take top ten's and fifteen's of Star Wars.
Now since the remastered launch of the Star Wars Trilogy, several new films have been released, the main rival for the highest gross earnings, being Titanic, which is quite honestly one of the worst films ever made, and maybe one day Hollywood will get the facts about the way the ship sank correct. In fact, Titanic now holds the title for highest gross earnings, but unlike Star Wars, Titanic will soon fade away, unless they start marketing action model kits and the like.
Another classic film, is the Full Monty, now this may not rate in the gross earnings, but like Star Wars, it will stand the test time. So bring home the Oscar's lads.
Anyway onto the top ten's and fifteen's....
Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines In .......... Star Wars IV: A New Hope
1. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.
2. Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough !
3. Look at the size of that thing !
4. Sorry, about the mess.....
5. You came in that thing ? You're braver than I thought.
6. Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper ?
7. You've got something jammed in here real good.
8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed !
9. Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time ?
10. Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care *what* you smell !
Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back
1. And I thought they smelled bad...on the *outside* !
2. Possible he came in through the south entrance.
3. I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that.
4. Hurry up, golden rod...
5. That's Okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while.
6. But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm....
7. Control, control ! You must learn control !
8. There's an awful lot of moisture in here.
9. Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you ?
10. I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me !
Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi
1. She's gonna blow !
2. Back door, huh ? Good idea.
3. Move closer ! Get along side that one !
4. I think you'll fit in nicely.
5. I need more men.
6. Hey, don't worry, Chewie and I got into a lot of places more heavily guarded than this.
7. Rise, my friend.
8. It'll work. It'll work.
9. Hey ! Point that thing some place else !
10. And hurry up, will ya ? I haven't got all day !
Top Fifteen Surprises in the Re-Mastered Star Wars
15. New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
14. He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.
13. Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Leia on the knee with a light saber.
12. Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke".
11. The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut.
10. Newly colourised Darth Vader is mauve.
9. C3P0 has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass.
8. Han, Luke, Obi Wan and C3P0 now sporting bitchin' goatees.
7. New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee.
6. Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe...hehe...she said, 'Lay ya."
5. Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.
4. During one lonely night, Princess Leia finds R2D2's special attachment.
3. Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
2. The XWing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell.
And the Number 1 Surprise in the Re-Mastered Star Wars .....
1. Dismembered victim of Obi Wan Kenobi's light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.
More top ten's next issue and possibly how to play the Star Wars drinking game as well.
Auntie Star Wars - Halesowen
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HALESOWEN 18 PLUS
Meet every Wednesday 8.45pm
at Halesowen Harriers FC, Park Road, Halesowen.
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